Thursday, April 16, 2009

White lies

Yeah, I fudged a little. Things are going great and I should be happy and smiling and singing and dancing. I’m not. I’m feeling really down and despondent. Feeling kinda sick and run down. This happens from time to time. In the world of bi-polar disorder, we call it cycling. My lows are never as bad as they were before my breakdown, but creep up none the less. I actually took a nerve pill tonight, the first I have taken in at least six months.

Hormones never help. Many people who have never experienced any type of clinical depression tend to think I should just cheer up. I wish it was that easy. I know this is only temporary. I go through it several times a year. Probably a few more weeks. Maybe more, hopefully less. In the meantime, I put on my fake smile and prance about. It makes everyone feel better.


  1. Hi Sweetie! Hope you are feeling better soon! Yes...those who have never experienced clinical depression haven't got a clue as to how debilitating it can be. I myself didn't understand my own mother until being diagnosed with depression myself when I was an adult. One of my favorite little sayings is on a graphic design by Mary Englebreit and is shows a woman with her hands on her hips, scowling, saying.."Snap out of it!" I saw it once in my therapist's office and had to get a copy for myself, as a reminder that we just can't "snap out of it!" Hang in there and may you have some better days ahead! Hugs and love, Lisa

  2. I guess you are grateful that at least you recognise the reason behind it all now?

    I have had friends who are bi polar who refuse to admit it and go right off the rails time after time.

    Wishing for you a speedy 'other side' of it all


  3. Dont you dare fake anything to us. We are here to love you 'warts and all'.

    Sometimes it is hard posting stuff that is 'less then positive'but it is sooo worth it because hearing our friends' positive support and encouragement make a world of difference to self esteem. (well thats how it is for me anyway)

    Take care and look after yourself

  4. Big squeezie cuddle to you.xx♥

  5. The fake smile and the prancing around makes everyone feel better -- but it is so exhausting!! Hang in there. I will be thinking of you.


  6. Oh Vevay...that post is so...sad! I feel really bad for you. Isn't it funny how other people have opinions on how YOU should be feeling - drives me crazy! Thinking you "should just cheer up," has more to do with their inability to deal with their own emotions rather than theri medical expertise! Hugs to you lovely Vevay!

  7. I don't know about you, but we've been getting more sunshine lately (it's been cool and overcast a lot this "Spring"), and that alone can raise my spirits a bit. {{{Hugs}}}

  8. I'm sorry you are feeling low. Do what you need to; you'll know what it is. For me, a good shot of sunshine usually does the trick. Hugs!

  9. Hmm, check out Rachel Phillips' latest poem. Coincidence? Serendipity? Or just the common human experience?

  10. Hang in there! We are all here for you! You'd be surprised how much you are helping others in sharing your experiences.
    I too love the "Snap to It!" w/ Mary Englebreit. I have it on a card that I have kept for years.
    You are in my prayers!