My soon to be ex husband’s cocaine habit really did a number on our debt. To condense a very long story, he took thousands out of the bank without telling me, very large paychecks would mysteriously get lost in the mail, and more than one person had to be paid off. My credit score was in the 800’s, near perfect.
Now…I’m declaring bankruptcy. I cannot and will not pay his debts. Unfortunately, the majority of bills, loans, and credit cards are in my name. A good credit score is something you have to work hard for. I hate to see it go down the drain, but it’s either my credit or me! Credit can be rebuilt.
My lawyer recommended I do the bankruptcy before the divorce so there will be less to fight over. Even though I paid the lawyer in full last August, I have put off turning in the paperwork. Day in and day out, I would tell myself to finish putting the paperwork together so I could get on with things.
Maybe I thought it would all disappear. The debt and my husband. They didn’t. Maybe I thought that if I didn’t recognize the bankruptcy and the divorce they wouldn’t be real. They are. As long as I put off filing for bankruptcy, I have a reason to put off filing for divorce.
Don’t get me wrong here – I don’t want my ex back, and I am done trying to save the marriage. I spent many months in shame. I was ashamed that I couldn’t dig myself out of debt, and ashamed that I couldn’t save my marriage. I felt like these things indicated a flaw in me as a person. It took a long time to figure out that instead of being ashamed, I should be proud for standing up for myself.
Today I finished putting together the paperwork for my bankruptcy. Tomorrow I will drop it off at my lawyer’s office on my way to work. In a way, it’s my first step toward the divorce…and freedom!
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