Sunday, February 1, 2009

I'm playing the game of Life and losing miserably

I get so tired of playing games. Everyone has one. Everyone is working an angle. People in general are manipulative. I wonder if we’re born that way. It seems like no one can just be honest anymore. I’ve come to believe that most people spend quite a bit of time sitting around thinking about things to tell other people to get what they want. “If I tell her/him this, they will think about me this way.” “If I do this or that they will think I am this type of person.”

Why is it that people expect you to be honest with them without being honest in return? I very seldom let people into my life, but when I do, it ends in disaster with me wondering how I could possibly be so naïve and unsuspecting. I guess I give too much of my soul away, because sometimes I feel I have nothing left. I hope the people who have pieces of it are enjoying their acquisition! I want to trust other people. I really do. I want to believe what they say and do is honest and sincere. Am I an idealist?

I don’t think that people set out to intentionally rip your heart out of your chest (and laugh while they hold it still beating in front of your face). I suppose they just don’t think through the consequences of their actions. Every action has a consequence. Everything you say or do has an effect on someone or something. It may not have an effect on them today, tomorrow, or next week, but eventually it will.

As usual, these are the ramblings of a mad woman. Right now, there is a man in a white coat with a syringe knocking at my door. I had better see what he wants…

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